I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
