It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm like, not good at living.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
