Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
