I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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