guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
