I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
