it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
