At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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