Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
