I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
