You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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