We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
