I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
