My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
