I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
