there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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