Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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