I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
