I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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