My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
