He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You're a waste of cheezeits
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
