If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
