the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
