he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
