thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
