Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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