I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
