Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
