Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
