I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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