I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
