Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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