i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
