I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
