Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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