I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
