Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
