Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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