Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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