dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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