Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
