Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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