she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
