8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
