Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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