i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
