You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
