Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
