I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
