her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
