I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
