just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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