don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Randomize
