There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Randomize
