I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
