He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
