note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
